do notIf the book deals with obsession, is it normal for me to get obsessed with it? Well its too late now, I did, now it should all end, I devoured everything there is to devour, I guess I could watch all the interviews that are on youtube, but that will kill the fantasy, what do I mean? let me explain. My friend Franzi showed me this book she just got, the title was a total bummer, we both agreed, it makes you already wonder, why would you read that shit, to what she answers “ its supposed to be this really empowering work of feminist art” aha interesting that is a bit subversive, does it mean that the title stands for actually the opposite? So she “does not” love dick, ok I can deal with that.
Time passes and I get some links here and there that validate the thesis of the feminist piece of art, at some point I read that the creator/director of transparent is involved in doing a serie based on the book (loosely based I would say now). I forget all this for months.. one fine day I guess other random links to the book remind me of it, I know Franzi couldnt finish it. I want to borrow the book from her, I have the strong feeling am gonna like it, or maybe I have the strong feeling that its gonna be one of those books that I can not stop reading. It was. I finish in 3 days, and … did I like it? Its so weird, I have Franzi’s copy, and she didnt finish, at some point i reach the point where she stopped, at that point I totally understand why she stopped, at this point I skipped some pages, pages of very random narrations of Chris past life, I though if this continuous, it is boring… but somehow (when writing this i already finish, so i have to listen to the audio message I sent to Franzi, "damals" cause already know I forgot what I felt "damals" ). I was already obsessed at that moment, I was puzzled, I liked it, but the obsession itself, the obsession of Chris towards Dick seemed so fake to me, why would you allowed yourself that, is it not a waist of time?. At this point there is a lot of mirroring, I relate a lot with this letter writing, not any letter, letters that you write thinking of someone, but with the clear idea that this someone will never ever read them. So, what is this? This is for you, this is a way to hide your obsession, a way to deal an compartmentalize, Someone is not willing to deconstruct and “desmenuzar” all the little details of our non-relationship so what u do? U write, u write to free your mind of mental chaos, you write do deal and to forget. I still feel ashamed of those letters(yes i also wrote letters, even though now i know they were not for anyone else but myself), am not ready to read them yet, I struggle with the strong desire to burn them (like my mum burned her diaries, she told me once "once married" ¡?).
So at this reading point ( page 115, roughly at the beginning of the second part of the book “ Every Letter is a love letter”) I declare not to be obsessed anymore, or at least to be less obsessed. At this point I google the serie and from now on am doomed, Dick becomes Kevin Bacon. I fight this by putting zero attention on him, which is easy, its not about him. And that's the thing, what is the book about? I think is about Chris allowing herself to obsessed about a person, an object, a man (a man is being objectivized) a man that she barely knows. And she claims she loves him, and that's it, why not, right? Well, then it comes... My female embedded properness tells me we dont do that, we dont show our passion, what is this, what do we love, we dont love, we dont know, we repress, cause .. cause what? Cause what would people think? That u are crazy, that u can not control yourself? That u have nothing better to do than obsessing, Also once you start you can not stop, its like a snowball of thoughts and emotions, better no to think about it, better to lock it away.
In a way it is marvelous that she doesnt even need Dicks reciprocity, she constructs her own Dick, in the book, there is little Dick I will claim, the meetings are spread across long periods of time on the serie, on the other hand there is more of Dick-person. But u see what am doing here? Am trying to rationalize desire, it is “acaso” more accepted to obsessed from the distance and across time, than face to face in a couple of hours? Exactly THAT'S NOT THE POINT. There are many things I like but I dont know how to put them all together, I like fantasy in the book, there it has much more to do with repression and imagination, the letters usually end up not being sent, and I fell Cris doesnot care about what Dick thinks, cause again, its not about him, also she is allowed to drift more, she goes to far fetch random thoughts, that she relates to him, somehow. Instead in the serie, in episode 2 Chris has already sent all the letters, and we donot get any hint what would have ignited Chirs passion for him, here I would claim u need the background of the book ( WELL clearly that what I need, to make sense, very important, it has to make sense, right, cause if it doesnot?!), In the serie the link is much more carnal, dick is there most of the time thus the fantasy is easier to break, you just need to be confronted with the real Dick, and yes, unlike a fantasy, he disappoints you. That's very invigorating, I love the end of the serie, much more than the book, nevertheless both times i thought Dick is an asshole, ahaha, I also like that.
The display of feminist art in the serie is totally awesome, I took so many notes, but to be fair am maybe like a person of my generation, very pop very image oriented, thus a tv format fills me more. I also took a lot of notes from the book still the most awesome part of the serie es that the story goes beyond Chris and Sylvere, and the cast and their stories are really good, lesbian sex, queer love, an like I said a lot of actual display of feminist art. The serie deviated totally from the book, it is a thing by itself. I can not say which one I liked the most, I liked them both, but they are very different and am very happy I endured it all .
